A Long Hiatus

I took a long hiatus from blogging. Like over a year if you check my previous post. In that year lots has happened.

I went white water rafting for the first time. I got more involved with photography with James, and now even own the proud owner of my own camera. My Grandpa Lenz passed away. I survived my most challenging year of teaching yet. I was asked to join my building's leadership team. I went to the Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta. I watched a friend grieve. My sister graduated from college. I visited my brother in Colorado, twice. I visited home. James and I joined a lifegroup with our church. I made dear new friends. I moved out of Grant and Vanessa's house. Old friends had babies. I laughed, I cried, I grew.

Watch out blogosphere, I'm back.

Meditation

I come on my knees
To lay down before you
Bringing all that I am
Longing only to know you
Seeking your face
And not only your hand
I find you embracing me
Just as I am

And I lift these songs
To you and you alone
As I sing to you
In my praises make your home

To my audience of one
You are Father, and you are Son
As your spirit flows free,
Let it find within me
A heart that beats to praise you.
And now just to know you more
Has become my great reward
To see your kingdom come
And your will be done
I only desire to be yours,
Lord

Roads...Less Traveled

There are many roads in Kansas, very few of which I actually drive with any frequency. 9th Street I drive down, 21st Street I drive down, 135 I drive down...well up I guess since I usually take it north. I don't have the need, or often the chance to drive any of the other ones, especially the really winding ones that can lead to forgotten parts of the state that somehow make you want to slow down and take in the view. These roads lead to places that make me think how pretty Kansas is sometimes.


Even though I don't have any need to drive these roads, I'm dating someone who does. Which leads to Saturdays filled with driving, photographic adventures, one giant sized iced tea from Sonic (one of the perks of living here!), and memories.

Last Saturday, James and I set out for an adventure. We drove through sleepy Kansas towns, taking pictures, laughing, me learning to drive a manual. It was the making of a great day. Until we ran out of gas.

I, with my big mouth, had literally said 5 minutes before that "I've never ran out of gas". Ha, ate my words on that one. One phone call to AAA, an hour wait later, one incredibly uncomfortable me because I really really REALLY had to pee we were on our way, no worse for the wear.

The most ironic part, well parts of the day? We ran out of gas across the street from the car dealership that James works at and in front of an RV retailer. Across the street from a car dealership, and in front of an RV retailer with about a billion bathrooms, none of which I could use.

Laughter

It was one of those early spring days, like Indian summer in reverse last Friday. After running out for lunch I came back to school and decided to open the window to get some of the early spring air into the classroom. I don't know what exactly it was that set us all off, the open window, the changing weather, the state assessments around the corner, or the fact that it was 3:30 on a Friday, but some extraordinary force came over the classroom.

I began to lose focus. I began to goof off. It spread.

I had taken off my flip-flops earlier and was walking around the room barefoot, which I do a lot when it gets nicer out. I was working with a group of 4 on some math they were still struggling with. It was one of the groups that can be a bit more challenging, and things often take longer. While I was waiting for them to finish writing what I had asked, I decided it would be a good idea to pick up a base 10 block with my toes.

The little girl who was sitting to my right thought that this was just the most hilarious thing she had ever seen. She got the giggles, the kind that started in her belly and seemed to bubble out of everywhere. She laughed, and laughed. Soon the other 3 students joined her, and then I. Not long after that most of the other students, who 5 minutes ago were working diligently, were looking at our group laughing along with us, even though they had no idea what they were laughing at.

This prompted me to think about the end of the school year, perhaps it is the weather, hinting towards spring, the end of yet another school year. This group of urchins and I have been together for two years, and I am beginning to feel very melancholy about the end of this era. If you can be friends with 24 eight and nine year olds, I am. If some of the people you look forward most to seeing are 4 feet tall, mine are. I love them, respect them and learn from them, probably more than they do from me.

And next fall, when Indian summer comes and a new wind is blowing through my classroom, I will miss them.

Balance...

...is something I am constantly trying to find in my life. I have days where I am better at it, and days where I fail. I hate that people close to me don't see my efforts.

Let Us Pause in Life's Pleasures - 2009 Part 2

After a quick stop-over in Wichita to drop off my dog, I hit the road again in July headed towards Colorado. Anna and I decided to have a fun vacation together, and her cousin's wedding in California was just such an occasion. I drove out to Colorado Springs, spent a day there, and then flew out to LA where we enjoyed a long weekend of wedding-ing and beaching.

August was a whirlwind with school starting again. School started on the 17th, and I had a true blessing of looping with my students, moving up from 2nd to 3rd with the same bunch of kids. This made the beginning of the year much easier, but unfortunately didn't take away any of the stress of putting together a new classroom! It will definitely be hard to see this group of kids go at the end of this year, we have definitely bonded after our two years together.

In September I met my Gramsy, Christi and Mom in Des Moines Iowa for a grandma/sister/daughter/mom dress shopping trip. I think I tried on about 50 dresses and still ended up buying one online! It was a lot of fun to be able to spend some fun girl time together, and begin getting excited for the wedding.

October was a busy month with a trip to Wisconsin for Zach and Janlee's wedding. Their wedding weekend was so much fun, full of joy, excitement, preparation, anticipation and completed with a beautiful ceremony and dancing the night away! October also brought the first pumpkin carving experience of my life with James.

November I went out to Colorado again for a visit to Anna for Thanksgiving. I got to go to the Dale House and experience a Dale House thanksgiving. Anna and I thankfully avoided the food poisoning that many of the other guests got. We spent the weekend relaxing at a beautiful home that Anna was house sitting at, sitting in the hot tub having good conversations with wine. I am constantly reminded of how blessed I am to have such amazing friends, both near and far.

December was a full, jam-packed month, although after writing this post I'm beginning to see that many of my months are this way! I finished up my Urban Teaching Certificate through Hamline University in St. Paul, celebrated Vanessa's birthday over pancakes and painting, went home for a blessed and relaxing Christmas, and came back to Wichita just in time to celebrate New Years with Vanessa, Grant, James, Christi and Tim. It was a wonderful way to end a great year.

As I look towards 2010 I cannot begin to imagine the new and exciting things that God has in store for me. I cannot wait to see what adventures I will have, where the year will take me, and the ways in which I will grow. Hang on, the ride just keeps getting better!

2009 - A Year in Review

Inspired by Vanessa I've decided to do a review of 2009, and looking back I have had a lot of fun adventures and changes this year.

In January I moved in with the Mankins; Grant, Vanessa, Dakota and Nora. I'm not sure if I can put into words how much living with them has meant to me, and how much I enjoy having a family here in Kansas. I think this quote best sums it up.

"The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don't. But, in the end, they're the people you always come home to. Sometimes it's the family you're born into and sometimes it's the one you make for yourself."

Besides sharing life with one another, Grant and Vanessa have taught me many important life skills like how to wash a cat, make a mean chicken fried steak and what beer goes with what meal. Thanks guys!

February brought a slight emotional breakdown when Truman, my adopted dog, decided to sample some of Nora the cat's litter. He was very sick for about a week, which ended in a $551.55 vet bill and Grant and I forcing fluids down his throat with a turkey baster.

I celebrated Valentine's Day at the Loop in Colorado Springs with my bestie, Anna. We had margaritas the size of our heads and we enjoyed lots of laughter while being the only people in the restaurant not on a date. What a blessing it has been to live close enough to drive to see her on the occasional long weekend.

March brought about another trip to Colorado when I went out to spend my spring break with another one of my closest friends, my sister! She and I had the same spring break, and so we met at Anna's in Colorado Springs and spent a week traveling through the state. Boulder, Estes Park, Rocky Mountain National Park, Pike's Peak, Breckenridge to see Janlee (our now sister-in-law) and back to Colorado Springs. I did this all with a hood that was completely squashed in on my car, since Vanessa had accidentally backed into my car the day before I left.



















April was the beginning of the end of my school year, and my time in 2nd grade. I was offered an opprotunity to move up to 3rd grade, which I took, glad for a new challenge and some change. Jenna also came to visit for Easter weekend, which began what has seemed like an endless stream of people staying at our house, which we've enjoyed.

















May, I turned the big 25, wrapped up a school year and began a blessed time of summer vacation! I had Anna here for my 25th, and I enjoyed the simple pleasure of good friends and a fun night.

















I went home towards the middle of June to see my family and send my parents off to Europe for 5 weeks. Before they left I dragged them all to a Twins game.

URED 7725 Community Project

Fransiscan Benediction

Our pastor left us with these words after church today.

May God bless you with discomfort

At easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships,

So that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger

At injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people,

So that you may work for justice, freedom, and peace.

May God bless you with tears

To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger, and war,

So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain to joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness

To believe that you can make a difference in the world,

So that you can do what others claim cannot be done,

To bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.

Amen

Check it out!

Look at my photo blog.

I'm just figuring it out, but I hope you enjoy it!

The I Do's

They did it! It's done! We have another Johnson in the family. After a lot of preparation, anticipation and excitement Zach and Janlee were married last Saturday in a very beautiful ceremony. It ended up indoors because of the snowy weather that morning, but was lovely nonetheless. Congratulations to my brother and new sister!

Funnies

My students and I were standing in the hall after school waiting for parents and siblings to come, talking and laughing together. One of my students was snapping his fingers together, and I couldn't figure out how he was doing it. So he showed me, still I couldn't get it to make the sound. One of my girls was there also and she looked at me and said "you have to make your finger lazy." I guess that is probably the most literal way to explain what you need to do. Even with my lazy finger, I still couldn't get it to work.

Control

I have always hated change. It throws me, it messes with my mind and it makes me kind of crazy. Just ask Anna. Poor thing, she survived two move-ins with me, and is still my friend. Thanks Anna. Or Vanessa. She probably wanted to revoke her and Grant's invitation for me to move in with them. Thanks Vanessa. Or my parents, who sat with my in my new apartment after moving to Wichita and assured me I had made the right choice as the tears rolled down my face. Thanks Momsy and Faja.

I am beginning to realize that my dislike of change is because I like to be in control. Not that I have to boss everybody around and control every little detail of every little situation. It's probably good that I can be aware of this, so that I can react in a better way to change. I need to just let stuff go, and maybe my hatred of change is a way of me feeling a little more in control of situations that I can't.

My brother is getting married. I couldn't be happier for him, nor could I have picked a more perfect person for him to spend the rest of his life with. I am very happy for them both. Yet, when Jan's mom asked me last summer if this was hard for me, I teared up. It's change, I can't control it. My relationship with my brother is changing, as it should. I can't control it. He is going to be a husband, he is making his own family. I can't control it. If he weren't focusing his energy and time this, if our relationship didn't change that wouldn't be good. He is doing what is right. I miss the way things were. But I am excited for the way things will be. I just need to let go, and let it be, and accept that I don't have control and that's okay.

Summertime Joys

I am thankful that I have summers off. Here's a little of what I've been up to.

Wooing Victoria

Vanessa and I met a man last night named Alan. He was getting off the shuttle bus downtown, and it was parked behind us so we waited frustrated that we couldn't move while all the people got off. He must have sensed our frustrations so he came over to chat. We learned that Alan is in his 30's, divorced after being married for 12 years, two kids and that he is going to be in a fundraiser auctioning off dates with eligible Wichita bachelors next week. Alan is not looking to find the woman of his dreams in the auction, he has already found her.

He told us that he started dating Victoria two years ago, right after his divorce. Unfortunatly, with all that a divorce entails, he needed some time to figure out his life and so he and Victoria ended things. In the time since their relationship ended he has figured out that she is the one, and he began writing her love letters, he said he had written over 80 of them. Alan delivered his box of letters to Victoria last week, along with a ticket to a theater production later this week. He told us that he will be in the seat next to the one on her ticket, hoping she shows up. It's the big last hurrah, and he said that if this doesn't work out, then he'll be able to move on.

Having a man woo you, every girl's dream.

Good luck Alan, go get your girl.

The Backpack

I was cleaning out my closet for a garage sale and I came across a backpack. It is kind of bluish purple, periwinkle some would say, and there is a makeup stain on the outside pocket where Sarah Purlee, my freshman roommate dropped some Clinique foundation. Despite my efforts, it never did come completely out. I had filled this backpack with books for class, papers, notes, snacks, water, pens, pencils and probably 100 tubes of chapstick throughout my college career, but since then have not had a need for it. So it sat. It sat in my apartment, got loaded full of stuff for the move, and has been sitting in my closet ever since.

I pulled it out for the garage sale, thinking that I could make a few bucks if I sold it. After all, it is a Jansport, they last forever. Then I remembered one of my students, who has been carrying his books to school in a rolling suitcase. Granted, it is a small one, but still inconvenient and not at all as functional as a backpack. I decided to take my backpack to school for him. I, after all, don't need it.

When I called him over to my desk at the beginning of the day to give him the backpack he seemed subdued. What was I expecting? Fireworks? A parade in my honor because of my amazing demonstration of gratitude and personal sacrifice? Maybe. But instead I got a smile, a thank you and it was done. I looked at him as he walked out of class that day, backpack on his back, superhero suitcase in his hand, and hoped that if nothing else he will one day pay it forward.

The next day when I was out in the hallway taking down student work, I saw my now former backpack hanging on his hook. I smiled to myself and wondered what kind of treasures he had filled it with. I unzipped the outside pocket to find his take home reading book, and inside he had his folder and homework. I guess what else would a 2nd grader need to haul in his backpack?

Thoughts on Mom

Here's what my 2nd graders wrote in their Mother's Day cards. I think they are so sweet, and truly from a child's perspective. Enjoy!

Deer mom I love you. Your the best mom in the hole wid world. Becasue your spechl to me And you help me with every thing. And you give me food. And wash the dishes. Love, C.

Dear Mom you are the best cooking at the cishin you are a nies to me you clen my room and your room. You are a clean house. Love, N.

Dea Mom, I love you. You'r spacial to me. thank you for taking car of me. Don't forget that I love you. Love, C. (She also wrote hers in Spanish, which really impressed me!)

Dear Mom. You are a nice mom. You are fun. Love, D.

I lov mui mom. Love, R.

Deer Mom I love you mom. Love, D.

Yo de cedo. i love you. do me ases acome. you make food for me. Love, O.

Dear Mom, You are nice to me. Think you for cooking us food mom. When you are nice to me, my filling don't hrt. Form, A.

To Mom. Mom I love you and you are the Bist mom in the wo wrot and I love you and have a Happy Mother's Day. Love E to Mom.

Dear, Mom. Thanks for being nice to me. Thanks for cooking. Love, M.

Dear, Mom. Happy Mothers Day! Also you are speical! Love, R.

Derd Mom. Tocku for ben a nist mom. Tocku for ben the bist coock in the house. You are the bist mom cust you givus the tening we want. Live, E.

Dear Mom. I love you for being my mom. I love you for being my mom. I made suthing for you. And a card. And suthing. It has colas. Love, K.

Dear Mom, I love you so much becus you clen my room. And I love you becuse you wahs my cloths. Love you! Your daorther, C.

Dear Mom, Thak you for all the thing you do for me. I'm glad I em your boy.

Dear Mom, You're the best mom. You cook good think you that. Love, A.

Dear Mom, Youa re the best mom. You are beatiful. I love you! Love, L.

Dear Mom, I love you. You are the best mom ever bend in my flamree. Mom you roke. I love my mom. Love, D.

I hop you have a very happy Mother's Day. You are the dest mom in the wrold. Love J. To Griselda.

I Can Feel It

I can feel it, it's looming around the corner. Change. I hate it. Life, unfortunately...and fortunately I guess, is full of it. School is ending, summer is coming. Change. I can feel the anxiousness coming on, I feel nervy.

Pray

Please helpe me lift up Esther, my dear friend and co-worker, and her family. Her father in law is currently in Kansas City at KU Medical Center undergoing tests on his kidneys. The doctors here said there is about a 95% chance that the growths they found are malignant. It is hard to see a friend going through such a tough and challenging situation, and sometimes even harder because all I can do to fix it is to pray. Ironic how that sounds "all I can do". It is sometimes the only thing to do.

Children Are Mirrors

I saw racism today, not in a raw or violent way. The racism I saw was more disappointing, more saddening than a violent crime. I saw racism in a 7 year old child.

It was not aimed at any student in my class, and it was said by someone that The United States would label as a minority. It disappointed me.

The comment made was about a picture of an Asian person in one of our vocabulary PowerPoint, which I made. When making them last year, I intentionally incorporated pictures of people from all cultures and races, specifically because I thought that my students being primarily of minority groups, needed to see their faces reflected in the pictures they see.

I realize that I don't fully get it, being a white woman, and I probably never will. I will never be judged based on what color my skin is, or my appearance. My students more than likely will be, if they have not already. I was so greatly saddened by today's events, it disappointed so much because I thought they would get it. Or I think they should. I don't know.

During my long lecture to my two students, I tried to explain to them what racism was and why their comments and jokes were not okay. I talked about how some people call others "dirty Mexicans", and how that made me angry and how this was the same kind of thing. I talked about how 50 years ago, kids with different colored skin couldn't go to school with kids who had white skin. Their faces were so serious, I hope they understood.

I know these kids didn't think up thier jokes, they heard them from someone at home. Children are the best mirrors. If you ever want a reality check, hang out with some kids for a while and they'll mimic every quaility you don't want mimiced. They pick up on the smallest things so remember to watch what you say and do.