I know that God has an amazing plan for my life, but sometimes, to be completely honest, I don't truly believe in my heart what I logically know in my head. My greatest dream is to one day be a wife and a mom, and the way things are right now (me single), that isn't going to happen anytime soon. I am right now doubting that it ever will, and I feel like I am mourning that loss in a way. I would, however, much rather be where I am than where I was a year ago, in that I know now that I wasn't with the right person then, and I don't wish to be with that person now. I guess I just wish sometimes that I had someone to share my life with.
Blame in the Christian university I went to, and I partially do. I think going there gave me a skewed perspective of when people get married. I feel like I am too old, and that I've missed my chances, probably mainly because I went to a school where the theme was "ring by spring, or your money back". Can I get my money back please?
So there it is, what I've been thinking. I think I'll go for a run tonight and have a chat with God. Maybe I'll drive to a beautiful park near here once it starts to cool down. I just don't want to feel the way I do right now...I want to believe there is still some hope.
Once In A While
From bad luck I'm walking away
I'm not getting stuck
I'm not gonna stay
To good things I'm moving ahead
I'm tired of dying
I'm living instead
Once in a while I wake up
Wondering why we gave up
But once in a while
Comes and it fades away
The sun's up and lighting the sky
I never could see it
It just passed me by
Good things keep moving along
I'm not looking backward
For something that's gone
Once in a while
I'll wake up
Wondering why we gave up
But once and a while
Comes and fades away
I don't what love is
I'm selfish and lazy
And when I get scared I can act like I'm crazy
But when I think of your kisses
I'm still gonna smile
I'm still gonna miss you
Once in a while
Once in a while
Once in a while I'll wake up
Wondering why we gave up
But once in a while
Comes and it fades away
Good things keep moving ahead
I'm tired of dying I'm living instead
From bad luck I'm walking away
I'm not getting stuck
I'm not gonna stay
To good things I'm moving ahead
I'm tired of dying
I'm living instead
Once in a while I wake up
Wondering why we gave up
But once in a while
Comes and it fades away
The sun's up and lighting the sky
I never could see it
It just passed me by
Good things keep moving along
I'm not looking backward
For something that's gone
Once in a while
I'll wake up
Wondering why we gave up
But once and a while
Comes and fades away
I don't what love is
I'm selfish and lazy
And when I get scared I can act like I'm crazy
But when I think of your kisses
I'm still gonna smile
I'm still gonna miss you
Once in a while
Once in a while
Once in a while I'll wake up
Wondering why we gave up
But once in a while
Comes and it fades away
Good things keep moving ahead
I'm tired of dying I'm living instead
2 comments:
Here I am, one of your 5 readers (~smile~), chiming in to tell you what an amazing young woman I think you are.
I cannot pretend to know what God's plans are for you Abi, but I do know this: all of us should want to be squarely in the center of His will for our lives.
To tell you the truth, that is not such an easy thing to figure out - even for an old married woman.
I'll be praying for you. And I know that each and every kid in your class looks up to you - just like children look up to their mothers. I bet some of them even call you 'mom' from time to time.
Abalina, I hate to say it, but I have been in the boat you are in. I have mourned the dream, and resolved to not let it bother me. Although somehow it rears it's ugly head (and usually at the most inopportune moments). Please know that I completely understand where you are coming from. I also know that God will give you the strength to move beyond the pain, frustration and anger that comes as a result of this. With each time, you will become stronger, and although it hasn't seemed like it will ever go away, I have to believe that God has a purpose in why you and I are single at this point in our lives.
I love you tons, and let me know if you ever want someone to talk or pray with.
:) Jess
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